To my Partner in Crime:
I want to be tied up.
I mean, I really, really want it and I mean really tied up. I mean I want to be unconditionally helpless. Spread-eagled, hog-tied, straight-jacketed, chained to the chin-up bar (not necessarily right side up), mummified in saran wrap (there are whole web sites about that), tied to a tree, whatever works, whatever it takes (short of a railroad track or a gallows). So long as I'm effectively and thoroughly at your mercy.
Clothing is almost irrelevant: It's a lot easier to have sex if I'm naked, but being tied up is still arousing when I'm fully dressed.
Blindfold is an option. Gag is an option. It almost doesn't matter what you do to me once you've got me. As incredible as it may sound, it would still be good for me if you tied me up and ignored me for an hour.
I can't tell you how intensely arousing the idea is. If you don't already understand that, I may not be able to explain it. But I'll try.
From the Tangled Web BDSM Handbook, archived at sexuality.net:
Bondage is probably one of the most common forms of S&M activities. It is estimated by sociologist Charles Moser that at least 10% of the population has used erotic restraint at some time or another.
According to alt.sex.bondage FAQ at sexuality.net:
Why is bondage fun?
Lots of reasons. For many people, the knowledge that they are helpless, that someone else can do things with their body and they can't prevent them, is a powerful turn-on. "I'm going to make you come and there's nothing you can do about it." It's a very strong statement of trust to let someone bind you helplessly, or even non-helplessly. How erotic, to feel yourself spread open, wanton and wet, and to see your lover kneeling between your legs, ready to use you for their pleasure--or to pleasure you unendurably....
For others, the simple sensation of bondage feels good. Tight constriction can create very intense stimulation, and lots of tight bondage can be a sensory trip, just as a whipping scene can be. Bondage can feel comforting, pleasantly confining; you don't need to worry about anything, since what can you do? You're all tied up, and all that's left is to enjoy.
For yet others, it's a charge to struggle, to let your body lose control. It can really intensify an orgasm when you come with every muscle straining against your bonds, trying to get your hands free to smash your lover's face into your crotch, your body shaking. If you weren't tied down you'd hurt yourself!
For me, it's all three of these reasons :-)
Although that author barely strikes the point a glancing blow, the psychological surrender involved in allowing someone else that degree of absolute control is an important reason.
The appeal is in being unconditionally helpless, utterly out of control (meaning both unable to control events and free to lose control, to squirm and strain without possibility of escape). Being bound, especially being bound naked, exposed to the partner's most unexpected impulse, focuses the victim's attention, renders his desires more acute, and removes his capacity to satisfy those desires himself. Fantasies run wild.
Add to this the uncertainty of this physically, emotionally, and psychologically vulnerable condition. After all, I'm helpless: I can't stop you. I know where I hope the moment is leading, but I can't be sure - or know what route you will take.
The Playboy Advisor asked some couples to "road-test" some bondage gear: Here's what one participant said.
The key to this scenario is helplessness. The woman is exposed, waiting, arched like a bow, rising toward a single point of stimulation. Be it a kiss on the nipple, a tonguing of the clitoris, or the slow penetration of an erect penis, she is afraid that you will leave her, so she focuses all of her energy and attention on the moment of contact. This is a fantasy we've all grown up with-the damsel in distress, the virgin in the castle dungeon. A spread-eagled woman is a sight to behold.
[From The Playboy Advisor on Love & Sex by James R. Petersen. Like many experts, he assumes the bound partner will be the woman.]
The promise implied in the prisoner's consent to be bound is that the captor will control the session and, ultimately, pleasure for both partners. The prisoner, once committed to the game, might find that the captor has unexpected tastes, but is no longer in a position to object. Having placed themselves utterly at their partner's mercy, they might discover too late that their partner doesn't have any.
Allowing myself to be trussed up removes my ability to assist or prevent anything you may do. I am eager to explore this delicious thrill, or terror, in the knowledge of your absolute power, combined with uncertainty and anticipation of what you might do with it. Surrendering to this extreme, being so completely vulnerable, is both stimulating and terrifying… and that's the point.
*Whew* God, I want this. Note: It'll be uncomfortable. Being tied up usually is. I'm okay with that: If I'm aroused (as I expect to be), I probably won't feel any discomfort short of actual pain - and maybe not that.
[...continued...]
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