I wish I could remember when I learned about oral sex.
Well, that's not quite true. I remember when I first heard of it: It was mentioned in Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, the book that made it okay for the average person to ask questions like that. My copy is long since gone, and I have no real temptation to replace it. I wasn't nearly as impressed by it as I thought I would be. The idea of it is more interesting than the reality.
The next lesson came in The Joy of Sex, which I do not remember buying. I suppose it was an inevitable step in many people's sexual education, with reason. Even though it seems dated now, it was a revolution when new, and should probably still be recommended reading. Like the "...for Dummies" series, it can provide some entertaining and useful information, even if you might outgrow it quickly.
(One of these days I need to get a copy of "Sex for Dummies"...)
Even in these books, oral sex was treated as a specialized novelty, an acquired taste that might not be for everybody. And here we are, thirty years later (or so), and the President of the United States has (indirectly) told our schoolchildren that oral sex is okay because it "isn't really sex."
If somebody has an orgasm, it's real sex. Real enough for me.
Sexy Saturday, Week 21:Please give me your favourite blowjob tips and tricks, or describe the best blowjob you've ever had (or fantasized about having).
Giving or getting?
The best oral sex arises when the giver uses the mouth as a mouth, creating sensations no other body part can. For that reason, I like the terminology from "The Joy of Sex": genital kiss. If you're thinking of it in those terms, you're halfway there. It's a game wherein the recipient's job is to lie still and the giver's job is to make that impossible. Fortunately, it's a game that everybody wins.
Advice to guys:
Don't dive directly in. It doesn't feel good if you haven't warmed her up.
Be gentle. It's the difference between quiche and scrambled eggs. (Gallagher got that one right.)
Once she's warmed up, I like to take her lips in my fingers, gently pull them apart and hold them, and kiss the button. The tension adds to the sensation. (Forgive the euphemisms: I'm trying to avoid certain kinds of web searches, from people who'll be disappointed in what they find when they get here.)
At sexuality.org, I found this suggestion: Imagine you're gently licking cake frosting off your fingers (except, of course, that it isn't cake frosting, and that's not your finger). A series of small suck-and-releases. Don't speed up or suck harder until or unless she tells you to: She'll let you know.
Alternately, very gently tongue the alphabet. I've never made it to Z.
Advice to girls:
Don't worry. Everything feels good.
Swallow. If you're not going to swallow, don't even bother. And you can't depend on us to mentally disengage from The Moment to warn you that we're about to come. I'm not capable of speech at all when I'm that aroused.
Deep throating is nice, but not required. It is extremely un-sexy to hear a woman gagging, attempting the (for her) impossible out of a sense of obligation.
The most sensitive spot is under and behind the head, on and near the ridge (where the foreskin is attached, if he still has his). Treat it the way you'd want him to treat your button and you can keep him happily delirious for hours.
That said, our parts are not as touch-sensitive as yours. Don't be afraid to grab it firmly. And don't let go before we finish. It'll wash off, really.
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