Well, you suggested that I write down the things I lie awake thinking about, in the wee hours of a sleepless night...
This is a collection of wishes, fantasies, dreams, and confessions. Not too different from some of the letters I used to write to you in college, just longer, more explicit, and (I hope) more adventurous.
Perhaps this is what "male midlife crisis" is like. At least it's cheaper than collecting Italian sports cars. It can (mostly) be done for free, with things we already have around the house. :)
It started out as a short list of sex acts I wanted to try (that idea came from a Playboy Advisor column), which I selfishly called "How to Fuck Me". I still think of it by that name, but I don't mean to imply that you don't already know how. I must make clear that there's nothing you're doing wrong: Only things we're not doing enough of.
I don't know what happened: It seems to have exploded. There is a whole world of things we've never done. The clock's a-tickin', time's a-wastin', and I'm not gettin' any younger. We could and should be having a lot more fun than we are.
Some of it may be wa-a-ay Too Much Information: I hope you will forgive. Some of it may be so self-evident as not to need saying at all. Please forgive that too. The more you know about what excites me, the better for me -- and I hope for you too, as you will better know what to expect from me.
This is the most open, most comprehensive, most explicit description I've ever attempted of what turns me on. Writing this letter has been an arousing and enlightening experience for me, and a hell of a lot of fun. I hope you'll think so too.
It also makes me nervous. I'm a little frightened of how you'll react to this document, and some of the revelations in it. In the years that I've known you, you've never refused to try anything I wanted to do, nor indicated that you thought the less of me for asking -- which is what ultimately emboldened me to write this at all.
I am laying myself open, metaphorically, telling you some of the things I've wished for and thought about (and I'm sure some of them will surprise you). Now you can think about whether you'd like to explore further, or whether you have any to add. And if the answer is "none of them", well, no harm done.
But if I can't tell you, who can I tell?
From Libida:
When both people in a couple are interested in the same thing -- she likes to be handcuffed, he likes to handcuff; he's ecstatic when she wears a full slip and blows smoke in his face, she loves to play Marlene Dietrich -- the issue of narrow erotic interests doesn't seem like a problem. It's when one person gets bored with the routine, or never liked it in the first place, that couples have difficulty.
As with so many other sexual problems, talking about this is essential. Some couples hesitate to talk, fearing that honesty will confront them with an essential incompatibility. And indeed, that does happen. But if there's any flexibility in someone's preferences, if there's room to include other things or to slightly change a game (e.g., deserted stairwells can provide the rush of potential exhibitionism without any real danger of discovery, thus satisfying two people with contrasting needs), only solid communication will discover it.
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